Usually, the message comes at the end, but today it’s right there in the title. It’s the key to growth, relationships, faith, and change. It’s often stated but rarely enacted. It’s what I’ve learned works best for me even if others cannot understand. It has given me consistent peace and confidence in a world of consistent aches and pains. It’s become my methodology.
Give your heart, keep your head.
What could that mean to me and you? And what does that really look like? Let’s take a dive into a couple experiences and the realizations behind maximizing every moment whether it goes your way or it doesn’t.
The overarching theme of what the Super 8 is all about really is love. Love in faith, love in family, self-love, love for life, you name it, and these eight values encapsulate how love relates to life. But to understand what that really means, there has to be some definition of the word love. As you may now sit and think about how you’d define love, you might come to realize it’s harder to define than you’d think. It’s almost an oversaturated term, but with no concept of what it really means, you have no concept to live by.
Love has been defined to me in a few ways, and I have a hard time picking which I like the most, but they all essentially say the same thing.
“Love is to want good for someone or something more than you want it for yourself.” Mike Donahue brought me that one when talking about relationships. I think that it’s fair, but too broad. Maybe that was his goal, but goodness is subjective, and I don’t find enough inspiration in action from that quote, but it’s on the right track. The idea of love does have to do with how you deal with those things outside of yourself.
The best definition I’ve seen came from Mark Manson, and it almost reads as instruction with the definition infused. It suggests such; “Love freely without expecting anything in return because you understand that that is the only thing that makes love real.” That, to me, feels like giving your heart put into words. That quote walks hand in hand with the idea that the best way to teach someone how to love is by loving them. And by loving yourself, or someone else, or a process, or an event, or whatever… you’re doing so without the expectation of anything in return. It’s the expectation that traps us all.
With that being said, what does giving your heart really look like?
Giving your heart happens in a way that treats life’s gifts as ends, not as a means. That concept is highlighted in Immanuel Kant’s Formula of Humanity. That eliminates the standard of doing any act of love solely because you’re expecting some benefit in return. The same goes for trust, and respect, and the other actions that build formidable relationships. It’s unhealthy to give to someone or something simply because you want something out of it, and that’s where our perceptions of what we deserve get lost.
We only have each moment. As cliche as it seems, it’s the truth. And despite it being the truth, we all have a really difficult time embracing that as our reality. Moments need to be treated as ends too. Everything in our own worlds is usually planned out and organized to reach an end, and everyone and everything between now and then is used as a means of reaching that end until it comes. That is no way to truly live… especially when talking about keeping your head.
I had examples of these feelings flow during our 12-day trip to the Dominican Republic. I took a social media hiatus, essentially had no contact with people at home, and truthfully wish I could’ve thrown my phone into the ocean and never seen it again. Nothing that we did there had any real impact on anybody I’ve known throughout my first 22 years of life. And I will probably never witness first-hand the true long-term impact of the mission work that we accomplished. That’s beautiful when you think about it. Sure, I got to leave the island with some wonderful experiences… but the beauty of what we did was all in the concept of giving others love without ever expecting a single thing in return. How fulfilling.
Those people also all exhibited a very generous culture that was unlike anything you’d see in America. Rationing resources for each other, sharing any and every means possible, smiling in any circumstance, and on and on. To the point that it was instinctual. It’s like every day was its own end, and the key to enjoying each day was in the generosity of taking care of others. There was no manipulation of today to try to chase down a better tomorrow. There was only enjoyment of today because today is all God has granted us.
There were no expectations. Expectations (and even hope) are the danger in working towards an end while treating things as means in the process…
Because what if that end never comes?
This is where the concept of keeping your head becomes vital. You and I both know everything that we dream up and strive towards isn’t going to always happen how we plan it to. God tells us that repeatedly. All we really have control over is what we give and how we respond. It’s in the response that determines how we move forward, and that’s where people lose their cool, shut down, close off, and decide that they’re never going to even attempt to make things better.
But if you put your effort and energy into others with the idea that they are not a path or pawn in something greater, then you actually have peace in your actions and relationships.
This is where the personal anecdotes start to flow. This idea of unconditional love in every moment is who I have grown to be, maybe to a fault, but I believe in the power of being consistent and controlling only what I have the ability to. I don’t fear failure, I don’t fear pain, I don’t fear struggle, I don’t fear losing people when the time isn’t right. My only real fear is God and for that I am free to live every moment as its own little end.
Now, that’s not to say that failure, pain, and struggle aren’t horrible feelings to wrestle with. It’s just to say that I don’t live in fear of those experiences. They’ll teach me something, and I’ll grow. When I truly feel like I’ve given my heart, it becomes much easier to keep my head, because there isn’t much more I can do. That’s what I encourage you to seek.
I’ve seen this operate in more ways than one. When you give yourself to others for the sake of humanity and not for the sake of personal benefit, then you find yourself at much greater peace if those benefits never come, because you’re only focused on the morality of your output. You have the ability to move forward by being exactly where you are. And where you are right now gifts you new blessings, people, and experiences to give your heart to… because that is what is right in this moment.
Keeping your head allows you to consistently deal with the inconsistencies. Even when the things you give your heart to don’t give back. So many things are bound to change – especially people, feelings, and circumstances that are far from your control. Does it always feel good? No… But should you fear that? Absolutely not.
The greatest method to curb the fear is to not expect anything, and to not be entitled. And to know when something doesn’t go as planned, that’s your lesson to adjust where your energy is directed. Do good to the world for the sake of doing good, and the rest will take care of itself.
Keeping your head also allows you to deal with success with humility and gratefulness. The human mind loves having more. Nothing is truly ever enough. That’s the other danger of expectations. You meet a goal and you want more. We all get to thinking that way, and that’s when we start taking things for granted, when we forget what we came from, and when we lose our sense of gratitude.
That concept can’t come into play, either. Each moment is an end to give your all to. You win the moment? Great, what’s next? You lose the moment? How do you adapt to the next one? In failure and success…
Give your heart, keep your head.
Keep going – and life will go with you. Don’t let what has happened to you keep you from being yourself to the best you can be. Always. Unconditionally. With no fear.
Fear God, not circumstance.
Talk soon,
Bryce
Super 8 